Choosy Boomers Opting for Ultra-Traditional Funerary Selections. Like Pyramids
American Living and Dying
Abjure, Ohio – Members of the Baby Boom generation, never content to go with the conventional approach, are looking back – way back – for models as they undertake their end of life planning.
“I wanted something a bit out of the ordinary to commemorate the specialness of my life, which I’ve been talking about non-stop since I was born,” says George Hanson, a businessman in this well-to-do suburb of Cincinnati. “I didn’t really know what I wanted until I flipped over a page in National Geographic to a feature on the ancient Pyramids of Egypt. I looked over at my wife and pointed at the largest of them and told her, ‘that’s what I want!’”
Asked to cite the appealing features of the imposing structures, Hanson listed the clear lines of the architecture, the solid foundations and sound load-bearing capabilities of the design, and the permanence of the setting.
“I’m not content to simply assume that people will keep talking about me after I pass, which is the whole point of existence. For all I know once I stop chattering incessantly to them, or at them is more like it, I may pass entirely out of their minds. This is unconscionable. A monument of this scale more or less assures that I’ll be part of the conversation for some centuries into the future.”
The funerary industry is responding to such iconoclastic choices with a full range of historical send-offs, including catacombs, funeral pyres, and the burning ships favored by Viking warriors.
“The Pyramid Option is not cheap, it’s definitely at the top end,” says Hal Anderson, Special Events Coordinator for It’s Your Funeral!, one of the largest chains offering end of life gigantic monument consulting.
“We can manage the labor costs by invading a neighboring kingdom and bringing the conquered peoples into a state of perpetual bondage, but you just can’t get away from the costs of these trillions of pounds of stone,” he explained. “Even our best deal will run you $41 billion, and that’s before the hidden chambers, hieroglyphics, and bejeweled walls. But if you have the means, it makes for an understated and dignified wrapping up of a lifetime spent largely talking about oneself.”
For Hanson, the Cincinnati businessman, the choice was an easy one to make. “I was looking for something with a little permanence and I think this is just the ticket. Look, while I’ve got you, did I ever tell you how I backpacked across South America and…” he started, but at this point the interview was concluded.